


I'm still here

by Hetty147



Category: The Umbrella Academy
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Hurt Klaus Hargreeves, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Implied/Referenced Homophobia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-27
Updated: 2019-09-27
Packaged: 2020-10-29 09:22:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,459
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20794334
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hetty147/pseuds/Hetty147
Summary: Against common beliefs, Ben didn't just disappear when Klaus decided to shut everything out.He was still there, watching his brother.





	I'm still here

I'm still here

Against common beliefs, Ben didn't just disappear when Klaus decided to shut everything out.  
He was still there, watching his brother. He couldn't go anywhere else after all. He was somehow stuck with Klaus.

Not that it was a bad thing. Ben always liked Klaus the most. They had always been close growing up and he was the only one who had not given up on Number 4 when he lost himself in drugs.  
Which was long before Ben died.

So, no he didn't mind staying with Klaus. Of course, not being able to talk to him when his brother was high was a bummer and Ben didn't like seeing him like that. But still, he supposed it was better being a ghost than not being at all.  
And of course, he didn't want to be dead. He wanted to be able to feel and touch. And in some terrible moments even more than usual.

1

Ben didn't immediately turn into a ghost. It felt like that for him, but he knew that it wasn't the case.

He didn't know how much time had passed but when he finally materialized next to Klaus in the living room, he was able to see that at least a few days had passed.

Klaus was slumped on the sofa a half empty bottle of vodka in his hand. His eyes were closed and for a moment Ben thought he was asleep.  
But then Number 4 moved his hand to take a big gulp out of the bottle.

"Klaus?", Ben asked nervously. He didn't quite know what was going on. He knew he had died, he remembered that part quite vividly. But he was still confused and a bit scared. Klaus would be able to help. After all he was able to talk to the dead. That was his thing.

But Klaus didn't react. Not even a tiny bit.

"Klaus!", Ben said louder this time.

Nothing.

"Klaus!", he practically shouted and this time his brother flinched and opened his eyes. Ben felt relief flood him but that feeling disappeared when he saw Diego walking towards them dressed in a black suit. It was his call Klaus reacted to. Not Ben's.

"What the hell are you doing? Why aren't you dressed yet?", Diego snapped and roughly pulled Number 4 to his feet.

Klaus just grinned sluggishly.

"Diego, you look so fancy in that outfit.", he said in a playfully flirty voice.

"Cut the crab!", Number 2 hissed. "Show a bit of respect and go get dressed. We're leaving in 15 minutes!"

Klaus touched his chest in fake hurt and sniffed once before he went upstairs. Ben went to stop him in the doorway.

"Hey Klaus! Why aren't you...?", he started. He never got to finish that sentence because Klaus just went right through him.

Ben breathed heavily.

He can't see me!

His funeral was small. Not a lot of people came but Ben didn't mind that. He didn't know many people after all.  
His siblings were seated next to their father in the front row.  
Allison and Vanya both cried. His brothers looked to the ground except for Klaus who was fidgeting in his seat.  
He looked around a lot towards other graves and a mausoleum a bit further away. Ben frowned. Why was Klaus so scared?  
Luther eventually hissed to him to keep quiet. A look of hurt passed over Klaus' face but he snapped out if pretty quickly and looked the other way.

The rest of the ceremony passed uneventfully and when it was over Klaus was the first one to leave.

He took a cab back to the academy and locked himself inside his room. Ben followed him and watched his brother as he started searching his clothes for something.

"Hey what are you doing?", he asked quietly. Klaus of course didn't answer.

It wasn't until a few minutes later when Klaus pulled a small bottle of pills out of some jeans with a triumphal "A-ha!". He sat down on his bed fumbling with the cab. His hands were shaking.  
When he finally managed to open it, he pulled some into his hand.

"One, two, three, four... no wait... one, two...", Klaus counted quietly.

"Jesus, Klaus. Six. Six pills!", Ben sighed standing behind his brother and watching over his shoulder.  
Surely, he wouldn't take all of them, right? Klaus stared at them for a second before he shrugged.

"Klaus! Stop it!", Ben yelled and tried to snatch the pills out of his brother's hand. His own hand passed right through it.  
Number 4 froze and paused for a moment.  
"Klaus?"  
He held his breath for a moment but then shook his head and popped all 6 pills into his mouth.

It wasn't until 3 days later when Klaus allowed himself to get somewhat sober when he first saw Ben.  
He yelped at threw the first object he would grab at him. Ben flinched out of reflex, but the remote control passed right through him and hit the wall behind him.  
There was a minute of silence in which Klaus just stared at Number 6 for a few moments before he started laughing. Not a happy laugh, more like a slightly crazy one.

"What's so funny?", Ben asked slightly irritated. He failed to see what's so amusing.  
"Nothing!", Klaus chuckled. "It's just the first time something good came from my powers."

They talked all through the night until it became more and more crowded in Klaus' room. More and more ghosts appeared and started talking in all different languages.  
Klaus became more and more irritated the more spirits appeared.  
And that's when Ben finally understood. Klaus couldn't see or hear them while being high. It was the only way he was able to cope.

"I'm sorry.", Klaus eventually mumbled and pulled out the bottle of pills again. "I'm really sorry."

And Ben was left watching again.

2.

Klaus didn't cope very well the first few months after Ben's death.  
At first, he had tried to use less (Ben wasn't sure if he tried to stop all together) but failed.  
Their siblings stopped talking to Klaus now almost completely except for the occasional light insults thrown his way. They didn't understand and no matter how much Ben wanted to, he couldn't blame them. He never understood Klaus' motives before his death. He didn't expect the others to do so.  
But their insults angered him. He wanted to defend his brother but was stuck watching.

One day, their father suddenly payed attention to Klaus again whom he had ignored mostly during these last few months.

He said he wanted to bring Number 4 to his full potential. What that meant, Ben couldn't tell but Klaus apparently knew. He paled and tried to talk their father out of it, but it was no use. He locked Number 4 in his room to sober up and then after a few hours dragged him to the car. Ben followed suit, glaring at their father the whole time.

He left Klaus in the mausoleum with a disappointed "Pull yourself together, Number 4!" and locked the door after him.

Klaus pushed and pulled at the door, but it wouldn't open. He scratched and hit it until his hands were bloody. Eventually he gave up moved to the corner furthest from any graves.

"Klaus?", Ben asked gently. His brother didn't answer him, but he knew he had heard him. Instead he curled up and tried to get his breathing under control.

Ben looked around them, dozens of graves lined the walls and that's just the mausoleum itself. The cemetery surrounding it had hundreds more. No wonder Klaus was so scared.

"Ben?", he whimpered quietly and Ben was instantly next to him. He had his knees drawn up to his chest and his eyes pressed shut.

"I'm here! It's okay, I'm here.", Ben whispered calmingly into his brother’s ear. 

It had started to get dark outside and slowly ghosts appeared around them. At first, they didn't pay attention to the two of them but after Klaus yelped and flinched away from one of them they noticed that he could see them.

And then the screaming began.

It grew louder and louder the more ghost appeared in the small mausoleum and it got quite crowded very quickly.  
Ben tried his best to keep Klaus calm but all the noise around them made it hard for him to hear his own voice.

So, he was left having to watch Klaus panic and scream for someone, anyone to let him out.

"Ben! Ben please don't go away! Please don't leave me here alone!", he begged desperately when he was no longer able to hear his brothers voice. He had his eyes shut and had started to cry about an hour ago.  
Ben tried to calm his brother, but he had to scream to even hear himself and he could see that Klaus couldn't tell one voice from the other anymore. Number 4 covered his ears and curled up even more.

Hours later the door to the mausoleum opened and their father pulled Klaus back to his feet. Ben watched as his brother stared at the floor with red, empty eyes. He didn't say anything, he just let their father drag him back to the car.

Reginald kept talking through the whole drive back to the academy about how much of a disappointment Klaus was and how he should finally stop being so afraid of the dead. But neither Klaus nor Ben listened to what he said.

Ben looked at his brother worriedly. Klaus didn't look like he heard anything at all. He seemed almost catatonic. He just stared at nothing in front of him and his face was completely blank of any emotion.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?!", Ben hissed at his father who of course didn't hear him. But he kept screaming and cursing him anyway. It didn't matter to him that he got no reaction from his father whatsoever.

But Klaus didn't react either. And that scared Ben.

It was almost dawn when Klaus was escorted back to his room by Pogo. He still didn't really react to anything. He just stared ahead and slowly followed the ape up the stairs.

Once inside he sat down on his bed, not looking at anything in particular.

"Klaus?", Ben gently asked and kneeled down in front of his brother to look him in the eyes better.

"Klaus, come on talk to me!", he urged quietly. Number 4 slowly looked up and into Ben's eyes without seeming to recognize the person in front of him. It took a few moments for him to focus on Ben but once he did his breathing got faster and his eyes widened.

He scrambled back on the bed until his back was against the wall.

"Hey! It's okay! It's just me! It's okay!", Ben said in a calm voice. Klaus whimpered and buried his face in his hands.

"You were gone.", he mumbled almost accusingly.

"No, I wasn't. The others just were too loud. I'm sorry I couldn't help!", he apologized sadly.

Klaus suddenly jumped up and started to search his clothes and drawers. Ben sighed.

"Klaus, please. Don't do that.", he pleaded.

"No, you don't understand! They're gonna come and find me! It's just a matter of time till they all show up here! They always do!", he mumbled almost fanatically. He was still searching and got more and more desperate by the minute.  
"Where is it?!", he yelled desperately. He kept making a mess in his room for another 2 minutes before giving up.

"Screw this!", he hissed and stormed out of the room. Ben ran after him.  
"Where are you going?", he asked as he walked besides Klaus down a dark street. He didn't answer.  
"Klaus!"  
"What?", he hissed. "I can't do this, ok? I can't sit around and wait for them to show up and start screaming again. I just can't do it!"

Klaus found his usual dealer at his usual spot and bought his usual amount of colorful pills.

He was just about to say his goodbye to the dealer when red and blue blinking lights flooded the dark alleyway.

"Shit!", the dealer hissed and pushed Klaus away from him. Ben watched as his brother fell to his knees and winced as he saw him scratching open his palms on the rough pavement.

Klaus got back up quickly though and tried to run but one of the policemen was faster and grabbed him.

Two hours later Klaus was escorted back to the academy by two officers on either side of him. He was moping.

Mum opened the door for them with her usual perfect smile and guided them into the living room.

Luther and Allison both raised an eyebrow but quickly left the room once their father appeared.

"Number 4, what is the meaning of this?", he asked him in a stern voice. "Thank you, officers, for bringing him back."

"Sir, your son has been arrested for possession. He was found buying drugs this morning.", one of the two stated. Father shook his head.

"I'm very disappointed, Number 4. I thought we talked about this sort of behaviour." Klaus kept silent.

The officers left soon after they talked to father about the consequences of Klaus' actions. Neither Ben nor his brother listened to a word they said.

A rather nasty looking guy had appeared next to one of the policemen screaming abuse at him. Klaus flinched and looked like he desperately wanted to curl up into a ball.

Thankfully the ghost went with the policemen as they left.

"Tomorrow we are going to keep training you, Number 4. I've had enough of this behaviour. You need to toughen up!", Father said in a low voice once they were gone. Klaus paled in shook his head.

"No! I'm not going back there!", he hissed quietly.

"I won't tolerate this kind of behaviour, Number 4!"

"Yes, you've said that already. But I won't let you force me into something I don't want to do!", Klaus growled and stormed away.

"Number 4, come back this instance!", their father yelled but Klaus ignored him.

Once in his room he pulled out a backpack from under the bed and started stuffing it with clothes and other random things.

"What are you doing?", Ben asked.

"I'm not going to stay here if he just keeps forcing me to 'face my fears'.", Klaus said and imitated their father's voice at the end. "I'm gonna go. Now no offense, Ben but you can't really stop me anyway so you might as well tell me if father's still downstairs." Ben stared at him dumbfounded for a moment before we went to check the living room.

"He's gone.", he said as we appeared back into Klaus' room.

"Good. I'm leaving."

There was nothing Ben could do. He couldn't talk his brother out of it, he was too determined for that. And he couldn't stop him physically either.

He was left watching again.

3.

It's been almost 5 years now since Ben had died.

Klaus had long since left the academy and now lived on the other side of the city.

Well not so much living. He was more or less homeless after all.

They were currently at the park, Klaus sitting on one of the benches slowly smoking his cigarette.

He was somewhat sober for the first time in days. Ben was sitting next to him nervously kept an eye out for any other ghost who might be appearing.

He didn't want them there as much as Klaus. Their appearance only meant that his brother would numb himself down again. And Ben didn't want that.

He enjoyed talking to Klaus as a ghost just as much as he did when he was still alive. The fact that his brother was the only person he could actually talk to didn't matter at all.

Over the years, Klaus was able to see Ben better and better while intoxicated. Neither of them knew why but Ben thought that maybe it was because their bond got stronger.

"You remember that Donut place we used to go to? You know, the one near the academy?", Klaus asked after a few minutes of comfortable silence.

"Yeah I do.", Ben nodded. They used to sneak out sometimes, Klaus, Five and him, and eat Donuts until they felt sick. The others were always too obedient to father's rules.

After Five had disappeared Klaus and Ben still went there often, always ordering Five's favourite as well.

But then Ben had died and they haven't been there since.

"Do you want to go there again?", Klaus suggested and Ben smiled sadly. He wanted to but what was the point? He couldn't eat anything after all.

"I mean, I know you can't eat. But I thought it would still be nice.", Number 4 started to ramble. "For old times’ sake, you know. We could order our favourites and I could describe to you how they taste. I know it's stupid and it doesn't make much sense. I just thought that..."

"I would like to go!", Ben interrupted before Klaus could talk any more.

His brother was silent for a moment before he nodded.

"Okay. Let's go!", he said and jumped up.

The Donut place was at the other end of the city. At first Klaus wanted to take a cab but at Ben's question if he had enough money for that they settled on taking the bus.

It took the about an hour to get there with 4 different buses but eventually they stood in front of their favourite donut shop.

"It closes in 20 minutes so be better be fast.", Klaus said happily and bounces inside.

He ordered Five's favourite, Ben's favourite and his own favourite and took a bite out of each and described it to Ben in every little detail.

"I should start a career as a professional donut taster donut you think so?", he joked and Ben laughed.

"That's a terrible joke!"

"It's a brilliant joke!", Klaus defended. "All my jokes are brilliant!"

They had to leave all too soon though and Klaus started aimlessly walking around their old neighbourhood.

His hands started shaking more and more after some time. Ben eyed him carefully.

"Are you ok?", he asked when the shaking couldn't be ignored anymore. Klaus just shrugged. Ben sighed. He knew that his brother was stretching out the time to his next high to spent time with him and he was gracious for that. But he also knew that the longer Klaus waited the more pain he would be in. And Ben didn't want him to suffer.

Of course, he wanted him to get clean, but he also knew that that wasn't an option. Klaus didn't want to, he had no good reason to.

"I wanna go and dance!", Klaus said suddenly and turned around to walk into another direction. Ben sighed and followed him. Dancing never meant dancing.

Klaus picked a gay club not far away and seemingly enjoyed himself for a few hours.

It wasn't exactly the type of club Ben really enjoyed so he settled outside of the club and waited for him to come out.

It was nearly dawn when Klaus finally stumbled out of the door and down the street clearly drunk and/or high. He had dark marks on his neck and a scratch running down his chest. Ben sighed and followed him.

"Do you want me to ask?", Ben said sarcastically. Klaus chuckled and blew a kiss in his direction.

They didn't get very far. Klaus bumped into some rather big guy and his friends as he walked around the corner.

"Watch it!", the guy growled. Klaus mumbled and apology and started to walk away when the guy grabbed his arm.

"Where the fuck are you going?!", he asked aggressively.

"That's an excellent question.", Klaus slurred and chuckled. Ben rolled his eyes.

"You fucking fags are so disgusting. Can't even apologize."

Klaus' eyes narrowed and the smile on his lips vanished.

"I did apologize. You are just too stupid to have heard it.", he hissed. "And there's a gay club right around the corner so you guys are kinda outnumbered here.", he added in a dry and mocking voice. Ben shook his head.

Klaus was able to duck the first punch but that was about it. He tried to fight back in the beginning but soon gave up. His knees gave out under him and he fell to the ground ungraciously and curled into a protective ball.

Naively Ben thought that maybe they would stop hurting Klaus now that he was already on the ground, but they kept going. Mercilessly they kicked him over and over again.

Ben was screaming abuse at the 3 guys but of course to no use.

After way too long they got bored of beating and kicking Klaus and went their way without a second glance at him.

Klaus was left bleeding on the pavement.

"Klaus? Shit Klaus open your eyes!", Ben said begging to whoever listened that his brother could hear him.

Klaus didn't move and Ben stared at his moving chest to remind himself that he was still breathing.

He desperately wished that someone would come and find him. He even wanted Diego to make a sudden heroic appearance and safe the day.

But no one came.

And Ben was left watching.

4.

Ten years after Ben's death Klaus switched from pills to heroin. He wasn't able to pinpoint the exact moment his brother decided on the change. It was a slow process but at some point, Klaus seemed to think it was helping better to keep the ghosts away.

Not that they ever left but Ben had to agree to some point. The high was more intense and it took Klaus longer to come down again.

But he also wasn't functioning as well anymore. If he ever functioned in the first place.

And the worst part, for Ben at least, was that Klaus couldn't see him anymore.

He was sleeping more (or was he passed out?) and Ben quickly got worried. The track marks on Klaus' arm piled up and soon he wasn't able to count them anymore.

Being more or less homeless didn't help the situation either. Klaus now ended up in rundown, dirty drug houses more often than not.

He was currently sleeping off his high on an old and filthy couch surrounded by other junkies like him. Ben sat on the windowsill behind him watching his brother. He was about to wake up soon.

In all the years Ben had spent with him he had learned to recognize even the smallest patterns in Klaus' behaviour.

And just like he predicted it, Klaus soon started to twitch and groggily opened his eyes.

He curled his lips in disgust as he smelled something and for once Ben was glad, he didn't have a sense of smell.

"Klaus?", Ben asked curiously testing how sober his brother exactly was. He turned his head and looked at Ben sleepily.

"Yeah?"

"Just wanted to check.", Ben shrugged and jumped of the windowsill. "What do you want to do today?"

Klaus shrugged as he slowly got up from the couch. He carefully made his way out of the house, trying very carefully not to step on anyone. You never knew what that person was on and how they might react.

Once outside he squinted at the sunlight and light a cigarette.

"Where are we?", Klaus asked and Ben managed not to sigh. He had sadly gotten used to Klaus not remembering the last day or so. He supposed his brother was lucky. He at least had his dead brother's ghost to tell him where he was and what day it was. That was when Klaus was somewhat lucid.

And Klaus knew that as well. Ben could see that he felt guilty for shutting him out so often. He always tried to make it up to him every few days.

Still he had to try very hard not to be offended that Klaus wasn't able to remember that specific date.

Ben signalled Klaus to follow him and they walked silently to the next bus stop. Soon Klaus was awake enough to start his endless talking. Ben only listened with one ear.

"Ben?", Klaus said. "Ben! Were you listening to me?"

"Sorry. I must have space out a bit."

"What do you want to do today?", Klaus asked with a grin.

"Uhm... I don't really care.", he shrugged. Klaus' smile fell.

"Are you ok?", he frowned. Ben nodded.

"Yeah. You just go ahead and decide what we do today."

"But I always decide what we do!", he whined. "I know I'm a selfish bastard for ignoring you these last few days. I'm sorry for that. So, would you please just pick something so I can feel less guilty?"

"Fine.", Ben sighed. "I want to go and visit my grave." Klaus stopped dead in his tracks.

"Why?", he asked slightly nervous.

"Because I died exactly 10 years ago!"

"Oh"

Yes, oh!

"I'm sorry I forgot.", Klaus apologized quietly. He silently got on the bus and sat down.

"So?", Ben asked.

"So what?"

"Are we going?"

"Yes of course we are!", Klaus said. Some people around them threw him a funny look for talking to a seemingly empty bus seat but he ignored them. "You want to go so we are going." Ben smiled. It seemed like Klaus really cared a lot if he willingly visited a cemetery.

"Thank you."

The cemetery was on the other end of the city but that wasn't as problem for either of them.

Klaus seemed actually okay with the idea of visiting the place where hundreds of ghosts probably just waited for someone to see them.

It was early afternoon when they arrived at Ben's tombstone. There were flowers already there and both Klaus and Ben frowned at them.

"Vanya, I guess.", Klaus eventually shrugged. Allison was in LA, Luther was god knows where, Five had disappeared years ago and Diego just wasn't the type to bring flowers.

Ben smiled a bit. So, he wasn't forgotten. At least one of his other siblings still cared enough to come and bring him flowers.

Klaus sat down on the damp grass and stared at the tombstone.

"Now what?", he asked.

"I don't know.", Ben admitted. "I didn't think that far ahead. Can he just stay for a while?"

"Sure.", Klaus shrugged and probably tried to sound convincing, but Ben noticed how he kept looking around nervously. He sat down next to his brother and lit a cigarette.

They stayed silent for most of their visit, but Ben sensed Klaus getting restless besides him. Understandably so. Already there were at least 20 different ghosts wandering around. None of them had noticed Klaus yet but it was bound to happen.

Still, his brother hadn't asked Ben yet if they could leave. So, he decided to stay a little longer.

"What are you doing here?", came a sharp voice from behind them about an hour later. Klaus and Ben both turned around simultaneously.

Diego stood behind them with his arms crossed in front of his chest.

"Nice to see you too, Diego.", Klaus said. Their brother rolled his eyes and walked past them to gently touch the tombstone. He whispered something and places some flowers on the grave before he turned around again.

"You brought flowers?", Klaus asked and raised an eyebrow.

"They're from Allison.", Diego said. "What are you doing here?"

"What? I'm not allowed to mourn for my brother?", Klaus asked slightly irritated.

"How come you're even lucid enough to remember the date or anything else for that matter?", he hissed. Klaus eyes narrowed.

"Oh, don't worry! I have my very own Jiminy Cricket to remind me of such things.", Klaus joked dryly and Ben chuckled.

"I'm serious, Klaus.", Diego said unimpressed.

"I am too.", he chuckled.

"Why are you here?", Diego pressed.

"And remind me again, brother dear, why that's any of your business? It's not like we talked in the last, hmmm how many exactly, 9 years!", Klaus hissed all humour gone from his voice. Diego scoffed.

"That's because you just left! I didn't even know you were still alive! For all I knew, you died years ago face down in a puddle in some dirty street!"

"Oh, don't pretend to care, Diego!" Klaus paused for a moment and glanced at Ben beside him who had a sad look on his face. "I'm not fighting with you now! Especially here. Come on, Ben! We're leaving!", he said and turned to leave.

Diego gasped and turned him around on his right biceps rather violently.

"What the fuck did you just say?!", he growled.

"What?", Klaus asked confused.

"You said 'Ben'! Why?"

"Because he's standing right there.", Number 4 said like it was the most obvious thing in the world and pointed at Ben. Ben waved for good measure.

"Don't!", Diego growled.

"Don't want!?", Klaus asked again confused and now more than a little irritated. He pushed Diego's hand away from his arm.

"Don't make this day about you!"

"I'm not...!"

"Ben died! And people actually miss him! You, I'm not so sure.", Diego interrupted with venom in his voice.

"What's that supposed to mean?", Klaus hissed.

"Let's just say that Allison wouldn't ask me to bring flowers to your grave."

Ben stared at Diego dumbfounded. What did he just say? He watched as his brother's eyes turned cold. Klaus didn't say anything for a long moment.

"Fuck you!", he eventually hissed and left without another glance at Diego.

Klaus didn't go very far. He stopped once he reached a small alleyway and sat down behind a dumpster.

"Klaus!", Ben sighed.

"Leave me alone!"

"Klaus please! I'm sure he didn't mean it!"

"I'm sure he did!", he hissed and began to roll up his sleeve. He wrapped a shoelace around the biceps of his left arm tightly.

Klaus pulled a syringe out of his pocket which was already filled with the solution he so desperately craved.

"You're not going to take all of that, are you?", Ben asked worriedly. "Are you!?"

"Go away Ben!"

"No please Klaus! That's way...!", Ben tried but Klaus had already pushed the trigger down and filled his veins with way too much.

Ben watched as his brother slumped back against the wall behind him. His eyes were half closed and a faint smile was on his lips. He didn't even try to talk to him. Klaus wouldn't hear him anyway.

Ben heard footsteps behind him 10 minutes later, but he didn't care. He couldn't bring himself to look anywhere else but his brother's thankfully still moving chest. But every time Klaus took a breath the pause until the next one was longer.

"Shit! Klaus!" Diego came running towards them and knelt down next to their brother. He tapped his face gently.

"Klaus? Come on! I didn't mean it!", he tried desperately to get a reaction from him.

But all Klaus did was close his eyes completely and slump even more into Diego's arms.

No! Please no!

"No! Klaus! Come on wake up!" He shook the unresponsive form of their brother gently before he cursed and quickly dialled 911 and called for an ambulance.

And then Klaus stopped breathing.

Ben thought his heart jumped which was ironic considering he was dead.

"Klaus! Please wake up!", Ben yelled close to tears.

"No no no! Don't you do this to me!", Diego screamed almost hysterically. "I'm sorry! I didn't mean it! Of course, we would all miss you! Of course, Allison would bring you flowers! I'm sorry!" He was sobbing now and desperately searched for a pulse on Klaus.

He didn't find one.

Diego cursed gently lowering Klaus to the ground and starting CPR.

"What's going on?", someone next to Ben asked quietly. He turned around to look at the person and gasped.

"Klaus?", he asked and looked back to Diego who was still trying to get Klaus breathing again. Ghost-Klaus followed his gaze and froze.

"Am I...?", Ghost-Klaus whispered stunned.

Ben didn't answer. He reached out towards his ghostly brother and a whimper escaped his lips when his fingers didn't pass through Klaus' shoulder.

Without thinking Ben pulled him into a hug. He managed somehow not to start sobbing. For the first time in 10 years he was able to touch his brother.

Ghost-Klaus didn't say anything but slowly hugged him back.

Diego was now cursing loudly and pulled both of them back into reality.

"Come on, Klaus! You selfish idiot! Don't do this!", Diego begged breathing heavily. Ben slapped Ghost-Klaus' shoulder.

"What the fuck were you thinking?", he yelled and Ghost-Klaus winced.

"I didn't mean to. I thought I could take it.", he mumbled apologetically.

Suddenly paramedics came running towards them gently pushing Diego away from Klaus' still unresponsive body. Neither of them had heard them coming.

They quickly pulled him onto a stretcher and once inside the car started working on getting his heart beating again.

Diego refused to leave him alone and neither did Ben.

Ghost-Klaus just followed his body without a word.

The paramedics somehow managed to jumpstart Klaus' heart and just like that Ghost-Klaus disappeared.

One the way to the hospital, Klaus died twice again and each time Ghost-Klaus appeared again always confused about what was happening.

Once they arrived and doctors took over, he had a pulse though.

'Heroin overdose' was what the paramedics said and even though Ben knew that he still felt sick hearing it.

One of the doctors pushed a needle into his arm and Klaus' eyes opened abruptly. He coughed hard and rolled over to lay on his side. Diego was next to him immediately.

"Hey! Klaus, can you hear me?", he asked surprisingly gentle and pushed Klaus' hair out of his face. Number 4 didn't answer but instead whimpered quietly.

A nurse quickly shoved a bucket under his face just in time for Klaus as he threw up.

"He's gonna be pretty out of it for a while. He will most likely fall asleep soon. You're lucky, it was a close call.", a doctor said and ushered Diego out of the room so that the nursed could move Klaus to another room.

Ben looked between his two brothers but decided to stay with Klaus.

A few hours later Diego and Ben both sat next to a sleeping Klaus. None of them said a word. Why should they? Diego wouldn't hear Ben and Klaus wouldn't either.

Speaking of Klaus, he had started to whimper quietly and Diego was instantly on his feet. Ben watched as Klaus' eyelids fluttered and eventually opened.

He blinked and screwed his eyes shut again to block out the bright light of the hospital room.

"Klaus?", Diego asked hopefully and took his hand. He got a groan as a response. No one said a word again for a few moments and Ben thought that Klaus had gone back to sleep.

"What happened?", he croaked out though and winced at the sore feeling in his throat.

"You overdosed. How much do you remember?", Ben said automatically while Diego said something similar.

"I remember you telling me that no one would miss me. After that not much else.", Klaus whispered accusingly and pulled his hand away from Diego's. Number Two sighed.

"I'm sorry about what I said. I didn't mean it. I just got so angry when you mentioned Ben and said things that aren't true.", Diego apologized.

"I didn't lie about Ben.", Klaus whispered and Diego's head snapped up.

"You didn't?"

"Why would I?"

"I don't know. Attention, I guess. Like everything else."

"Attention?", Klaus hissed. "You think I'm doing this for attention?"

Way to ruin a moment, Diego.

Ben shook his head.

"Well, yeah.", Diego shrugged. "What other reason could there possibly be?"

"Go away, Diego.", Klaus said defeatedly. He closed himself off again, Ben could see it.

"No please enlighten me!"

"You never bothered to understand before, don't start now!", he said and turned away from Diego.

"You're impossible!", Number Two said and stormed out of the room.

There was silence for a few minutes.

"I'm sorry I ruined your death day.", Klaus mumbled eventually.

"I'm just glad it didn't turn into your death day as well.", Ben answered and Klaus chuckled quietly. He could see that his brother had trouble keeping his eyes open.

"Go back to sleep, I won't leave.", Ben promised and watched as Klaus immediately fell asleep.

Klaus ran away from the hospital the first chance he got.

At first, he tried to use less but eventually Ben had to watch as his brother once again fell back into old habits.

Klaus may have promised him to quit heroin but that only meant that he moved back to pills.

And Ben was stuck watching.

5.

Ben winced and ChaCha punched Klaus especially hard in the stomach.

His brother groaned in pain, slacking in his seat. Ben guessed that the only thing keeping him upright were the ropes tied around Klaus' torso.

Hazel whispered something into ChaCha's ear and pulled her aside.

Klaus moaned in relief noticing their departure. He welcomed the pause of seemingly endless torture and sighed deeply.

"How are you doing?", Ben asked concerned.

"Splendid.", his brother rasped and chuckled dryly. Withdrawal had slowly started a few hours ago and Klaus looked like he was about to throw up any moment now.

Furthermore, the dead babushka wouldn't shut up. It had already started to annoy Ben. He couldn't imagine how Klaus must be feeling.

Speaking of Klaus, his brother was still giggling. Ben knelt down in front of him and looked into his eyes worriedly.

"Are you ok?", he asked and Klaus just nodded still giggling. "Why are you laughing?"

"I don't know!", Number 4 chuckled but he sounded strangely desperate. Ben winced. Klaus was losing it right in front of him.

"Just hold on a bit longer. I'm sure someone will come for you!", Ben said reassuringly.

"Yeah right! I'm sure they all miss me deeply.", Klaus shot back. The giggles had stopped abruptly. "I bet no one even noticed I'm gone!"

"Who are you talking to?", ChaCha growled. Klaus just stuck out his tongue in her direction.

"Shut up!", she hissed and pulled the duct tape back out of her pocket. She went over to Klaus, passing through Ben.

"Eww! I hate that!", Ben yelled and jumped out of the way.

ChaCha silenced his brother and left them again. Klaus rolled his eyes in her direction and sighed through his nose.

A few minutes passed where neither Ben nor Klaus made a sound.

Then Klaus groaned and started breathing heavily through his nose.

"Klaus? Are you ok?", Ben asked concerned. His brother turned a unsettling shade of green and locked his eyes with Ben's.

"Shit! You're gonna be sick?", Ben cursed and Klaus nodded squeezing his eyes shut.

"Can you just hold it back?", he asked hopefully. Number 4 threw him a glare that said 'you are not helping'.

Ben watched his brother struggle for another agonizing 5 minutes until Klaus seemingly accepted his fate.

He heaved once and then his cheeks blew up like those of a hamster. But since his mouth was taped shut most of it came out through the nose.

"Dude that's nasty!", Ben said disgustedly before he realized that Klaus wasn't able to breathe. "Shit! Klaus!"

He wheezed and choked looking at Ben desperately. Tears were running down his cheeks.

"Fuck!", Hazel yelled and was next to Klaus in an instance. He pulled the tape off of him and helped him to clear his airways with a disgusted expression.

"The fucking junkie threw up!", he yelled and ChaCha was back.

"Hey!", Ben yelled. Klaus was still preoccupied with breathing to listen to what was going on around him.

"Well shit.", she said bored.

"Do you want him to choke to death? We didn't even get proper answers yet!", Hazel asked and she shrugged.

"I don't think he's gonna tell us much anyway.", she said. "Come one, we've got other things to do. Tape him back up and put him in the closet."

Klaus eyes widened.

"No no no! Please just let me go. I really don't know anything!", he begged.

"What if he throws up again?", Hazel asked ignoring Klaus.

"Bad luck.", ChaCha shrugged. "If he's still alive when we go back maybe he'll tell us what we want to know."

Hazel grabbed the back of Klaus' chair and dragged him towards the closet. Klaus struggled and tried to speak despite the tape across his mouth.

Ben had to watch as Hazel shut the closet door and left Klaus trapped and muzzled inside.

They heard the motel door close and Klaus whimpered silently. The only sound left was the babushka rambling outside the closet.

Ben watched his brother panicking. Klaus' breathing became faster and faster and soon he was hyperventilating.

"C'mon Klaus! You can do this. Just focus on my voice, okay?", Ben said in what he hoped was a calm voice. "I'm here with you! You're fine."

He kept repeating these words in slight variations and for about an hour it worked.

But then Klaus just couldn't be calmed down anymore. Tears had started streaming down his face again and struggled against the ropes hold him desperately.

And there was nothing Ben could do. He had to watch.

6.

The apocalypse was stopped, the world saved.

Ben was alive again and it was the best feeling in the world. And that was thanks to Klaus.

Hadn't his brother sobered up in the end we wouldn't have been able to hold onto him when Five jumped them back into the year 2002.

When they landed in the concert hall in the past, they all spent the first minute catching their breath. Then everyone started fussing over Vanya while Klaus held onto Ben for dear life.

And Ben was busy breathing and feeling. Suddenly being alive again was a bit of a shock to say the least.

"Ben!?", Diego suddenly asked in disbelief and Klaus let go of him to turn around to their siblings.

"Oh my god, Ben!", Allison shrieked and threw herself at him crying.

One after the other, all siblings hugged Ben, each one shedding tears (yes even Five).

Klaus stood back and watched it all with a happy smile on his face. He didn't say anything. He just smiled and watched how his brother finally got what he deserved. Being alive and loved.

They spent a few months as children, fixing almost everything they did wrong the first time.

Since Klaus hadn't properly started his habit it was a bit easier for him to stay sober.

Not easy but easier.

But for their siblings it was apparently too much to ask to treat Number 4 like a full member of the Academy and not just the junkie.

Klaus said it didn't bother him, but it bothered Ben. But he insisted that he was fine, so Ben didn't say anything.

At first anyway.

He did what Klaus told him to do.

"Enjoy life, Ben!", he had said. "Go out! Do something with our siblings. You don't have to babysit me anymore!"

So that's what Ben did.

A few months after traveling back to the present Luther wanted to bring the Umbrella Academy back to life. The new and improved academy included Vanya now and it didn't take long until they were back to old fame.

Their current job was to stop a bank heist and they were all sitting in a van across the street to plan what to do.

"Okay!", Luther said. "Diego, Five and I will go in first with Five's power. I will unlock the door for Allison, Ben and Vanya and then we all stop them together."

"What about me?", Klaus asked trying not to sound hurt.

"Uhm... You'll be the lookout.", Luther decided completely indifferent.

"The lookout!? Again?", Klaus said standing up.

"Yeah well, you can't really help us anyway.", Number One shrugged and Ben felt his jaw drop.

"Fuck you!", Klaus hissed.

"C'mon bro! You are just a great lookout.", Diego said trying to calm him.

"No! I'm not gonna do it. Get yourself another lookout!", he yelled and ripped off his mask. He opened the door or the van and jumped out.

"Where are you going?", Luther shouted angrily.

"Home! I can't help you anyway!", Klaus shouted back and left.

"Was that really necessary?", Ben snapped after a few seconds.

"Let's not focus on that now, ok? We have to stop some bad guys in there.", Luther answered as if nothing ever happened. Ben shut up for the job but was planning on bringing it up again once they were all home.

It wasn't the first time his siblings completely undermined Klaus. He was never taken seriously, he was always ignored or accused of lying for attention.

When they arrived back home, Klaus was sprawled on the couch in the living room not wearing the uniform anymore but short leather pants and a big furry coat without a shirt underneath.

He was applying eyeliner with one hand and holding up a mirror in the other one.

The other siblings shared a confused look before Ben stepped up to Four. His foot hit an empty bottle of whiskey that was lying on the floor.

"Klaus?", he asked carefully. "You ok?"

"Oh, hey guys!", Klaus slurred enthusiastically and Ben winced. Damn it! He had been doing so well.

"What are you doing?", Diego asked between clenched teeth.

"I'm going out!", he explained and got back to his eyeliner.

"Typical.", Luther mumbled. Klaus froze for one second. Just enough for Ben to notice the hurt that flashed over his face before it was gone again and Klaus got up grinning sluggishly.

"Yeah, typical.", he laughed and grabbed another bottle from the table. Ben stopped him by grabbing his wrist.

"Klaus, c'mon! You're better than this.", he whispered and locked his eyes with Four's.

And what he saw made him what to wince.

Klaus eyes were so full of self-loathing and hurt before he once again covered it up with his usual facade.

"We still have to talk about the mission to see how we can improve as a team. We don't have time for your attention seeking.", Luther said and Klaus looked away.

"Would you just shut up!?", Ben snapped without turning around.

"What?"

"Ben!"

"No!", Ben yelled. "I'm so done with you always talking down on him! 'Oh, that's just Klaus.' 'Always seeking for attention.' I'm so done with it. I've had to watch it for years without being able to defend him."

"Ben!", Klaus interrupted but he ignored him.

"I've always been there! Ever since I died, I've been there and I had to watch how you ignored him, insulted him, called him annoying. And he still loves you!  
Allison, he saw every single one of your movies. He bragged about his famous sister even though no one believed him.  
Vanya, when Luther locked you up, he fought to get you out!  
Five, he was kidnapped by the commission and tortured for days and didn't give them any valuable information. And none of you even noticed.  
Luther, he literally died for you!  
And Diego-"

"Ben, shut up!", Klaus snapped. There was silence in the room. No one said a word.

"Klaus, is that true?", Allison whispered eventually. Klaus didn't answer. His face was expressionless.

"It's true.", Diego answered instead.

"None of you understand. You've never tried to understand.", Ben continued though calmer now. "You can all turn off your powers. Klaus can't."

"Ben! Stop!", Klaus yelled. "Just stop!"

"No! You won't defend yourself. Someone has to!"

"It's not your job to babysit my fucked-up ass! You have a life now!", Klaus objected.

"And I choose to spend it with you. For years I had to watch you without being able to help. Please, now that I'm able to, let me help.", Ben pleaded.

Klaus looked at him for a long time not saying a word. Eventually he nodded.

"Go ahead then.", he said waved his hand towards their siblings who still stared at them dumbfounded. "If yelling at them makes you happy, be my guest." He grinned and flopped back down on the couch taking a big gulp from the whiskey.

"Klaus, we didn't know.", Luther said sounding surprisingly apologetic.

"Yeah none of you ever bothered to ask.", Ben hissed. "You all just assumed he was doing it for attention."

"If not for attention, why then?", Allison asked. Ben looked at Klaus. Number Four sighed.

"Because it makes them shut up.", he admitted quietly.

"Makes who shut up?" Vanya's voice was quiet and sad.

"The ghosts.", Ben answered when he noticed that Klaus wouldn't.

"Oh, come on! How can that still trouble you?", Luther groaned and Allison slapped his shoulder.

"Yeah you're right. I should just get over it.", Klaus mumbled and got up from the couch.

"No Klaus! Stay!", Vanya said and stopped him from leaving.

"Why should I?", he asked her not hiding his emotions for once. "Please, tell me one good reason. I've been here for months, sober I might add, and not once has any one of you guys, besides Ben, talked to me without being annoyed. I'm done being talked down on. I'm done suffering from sobriety and the ghosts you bring with you after every mission. I'm just so done."

No one said a word. Klaus flopped back down onto the couch, like his outburst took up all his energy and took another few gulps of whiskey. He closed his eyes in a way which told Ben he wasn't able to hear any ghost anymore. No wonder. Ben was surprised Four didn't end up with alcohol poisoning yet.

"Klaus, we're sorry. We really am. I guess we just didn't realize how you were feeling. We didn't think about it. But please stay. Please let us show you that we do love you. We'll help you with your powers, I promise. Just please don't leave.", Allison said gently after a few minutes of silence. She sat down next to him and gently put her hand on his shoulder.

"Klaus.", Ben said and Four raised his head and locked his eyes with Six'. "Please stay!"

They looked at each other for what seemed like a long time.

"Okay.", Klaus eventually whispered.

Maybe in the past Klaus had always been alone with his issues but Ben, now that he was able to, he wouldn't just watch anymore. He would finally, truly help.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading. Please leave a review and tell me what you thought :)


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